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November 21 What I wantWell last night was so wonderful.... spending time with him and having him makes me so happy. I wish I could keep myself from being jealous. It is so hard.... I want him all of the time and I don't want to share him with anyone. I know I can't be and this is the life and choices we have made. I called him this morning and something was going on because he couldn't talk. I wish he would call me back... I just want to hear his voice !!!
If you read this... I want to THANK YOU for being you and for loving me the way only you can !!!! I Love you sweets !!! April 20 Always lost and aloneI am so lonely right now in my life and I feel like I am going totally crazy... I have lived my life for the men in my life sense I was a little girl, always doing what they wanted me to do. To this day I still do that in fear I might upset someone or make someone mad. I live my life to make everyone else happy and I never get what I want to be happy. The only good thing in my life is my daughter and she has kept me here amoung the living. I want so bad to run far away... if not forever than for at least a while. But as always I can't. I tried to talk to him last night to explaine what is going on in my head but he was sleepy and had to go to bed.... had I been talking about sex he would have stayed up all night. Once again it just proves that if I am making someone happy they are right there, but if I am not they have something better to do or are "To Busy"... I am so sick of being the "Play-thing or whore" for them... all of them, every man I have ever known !!!!! Where are the men that said they "Love Me" Oh yes you love me as long as I am fucking you and doing everything you want me too. I am nothing to anyone.... I am not GOOD ENOUGH for anyone. So fuck you all !!!!! January 27 Broken HeartWell this last week and a half has been very bad for me... I have had my heart pulled out and pissed on. One day I might understand why the ones we love the most hurt us the worst. I am trying to take it one day at a time and maybe I will get my heart~body~soul back together and my mind will quite and I can smile again. January 06 Songs........I am so touched by so many songs these days... but if anyone ever gets the chance take the time to listen to the song by Sugarland
"Why Don't You Stay?"
That song goes out to anyone that has ever loved someone that just didn't love them enough to be with them...
Smile, I know it hurts but it does get better.
I will list more later but for now I have to get back to work. Oh God Thirty.....Well I am here at work and wishing I was far far away from here.... One day I will get my life together and my shit worked out ?!?! I want so bad to take off and go to Cali to see Laura, she is my other half and it has been far to long.... She is the only person that loves me for who I am and no matter what I do. So girl if you ever read this THANK YOU for everything !!!!! |
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