April 20
I am so lonely right now in my life and I feel like I am going totally crazy... I have lived my life for the men in my life sense I was a little girl, always doing what they wanted me to do. To this day I still do that in fear I might upset someone or make someone mad. I live my life to make everyone else happy and I never get what I want to be happy. The only good thing in my life is my daughter and she has kept me here amoung the living. I want so bad to run far away... if not forever than for at least a while. But as always I can't. I tried to talk to him last night to explaine what is going on in my head but he was sleepy and had to go to bed.... had I been talking about sex he would have stayed up all night. Once again it just proves that if I am making someone happy they are right there, but if I am not they have something better to do or are "To Busy"... I am so sick of being the "Play-thing or whore" for them... all of them, every man I have ever known !!!!! Where are the men that said they "Love Me" Oh yes you love me as long as I am fucking you and doing everything you want me too. I am nothing to anyone.... I am not GOOD ENOUGH for anyone. So fuck you all !!!!!
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